Nothing's Gonna Change

[failoh.livejournal.com]

Title: Nothing's Gonna Change
Author: Failoh (Becky)
Rating: PG
Prompt: Vertigo: 1. Here I was born, and there I died. It was only a moment for you; you took no notice.
Summary: Growth on the island occurs in an instant. (Sun/ Jin)
Notes: Ordinary disclaimer; title taken from the Beatles' song "Across the Universe". As always, read and comment, please!

Here I was born…

 

I was standing on the beach when he left. I was free, so I thought. He was gone; had left. I was a woman on my own now. I had what I had fought for. I had my freedom.

 

I only enjoyed it for a bit.

 

Then came the bottle. The bottle and with it, my freedom. I had enjoyed it, for a bit. But then came the bottle…and the first death of my husband.

 

I died then.

 

Only to be resurrected in his arms, with his kisses and touches. It was a moment of beauty, on the beach, placing myself in his arms. Life is full of moments, so few of them beautiful. I treasure that moment now…I didn’t then. I was crying so hard I was laughing and he was kissing me.

 

It was the reunion we did not have at the airport.

 

                        …and there I died.

 

In the helicopter. Surrounded by supposed friends. I saw him coming. Saw him running. Saw the look of horror on his face. Oh God, he thought I left him. He thought I feared more for my own life than his. Oh God. His child, when we pulled away, kicked in my stomach. To early, like he or she knew. Like it knew I was abandoning him.

 

He once said to me; I will get you off this island. Surely he would have know it would be at great cost.

 

But at this great?

 

I screamed. I cried. I cursed. I kicked. I shouted. I saw them all, staring at me. Afraid of me. Thinking I had gone mad.

 

No, of course I wasn’t mad.

My husband…the father of my child…had just died before my eyes.

 

But I wasn’t mad.

 

                        It was only a moment for you; you took no notice.

 

They call me a bitch behind my back. It’s insulting, but I don’t care. I’ve become one, and it’s enough. Being cruel, being rude, provides a barrier. No one asks about my husband or my child anymore. They discuss me behind my back and I walk , like a knife- solid, thick, dangerous, away. To think that once I was ready to be just a wife and mother, a stay-at-home woman, learning to bake. Now I learn double-dealing and scheming, the world of business. It’s my new home, my new protection.

 

But it’s worth it. This change; this new me.

 

It’s worth it.

 

One day I will find him. I will find him in America, protected by his self-importance and his lies. Telling himself that he is the true leader, that all his actions were just. And I will find a way to kill him.

 

                        Here I was born..

 

Every night, I dream I’m kissing you. I dream I’m holding you.

 

I don’t wake up crying anymore.

 

I’ve found a new emotion to replace the sadness, the fear.

 

I still miss you but… I hope to see you soon.

 

If you came to visit me…like Hurley or Jack gets their visits…I wouldn’t mind. I would show you Ji Yeon.

 

We could be a family. And I would be your wife again. And you would be my husband. We could have our child together…

 

~             ~               ~      

 

These are the dreams Sun wakes up crying from.

Comments

[failoh.livejournal.com]

I hope the rumor's right.

And yea! Happy fic! And, well, everybody thought Michael was in the coffin (including me) and Goodwin really did die (for sure), so they make sense.

That would be bad, because I was thinking of something involving Eko...but not Ethan, so don't worry!

[tellshannon815.livejournal.com]

Wait a sec...didn't you once write a fic which ended with Michael being the man in the coffin? I think I remember commenting on it (but don't worry, yours and mine aren't too similar, mine was from Walt's POV!)

Oh and do you mind if I ask, what were you thinking about with Eko? I was going to have the hatch implosion send him back in time to the day of Yemi's death, giving him the chance to save his brother...if we have the same twist at the end that would be too freaky!

[failoh.livejournal.com]

Yep! That was me!

Originally, I had thought that, as a redemptive idea, he would go back to the island and sacrifice himself for his cast aways (freaky, huh?).

I'm glad they're not that similar, that would be scary.

Oh no, don't worry, mine is totally different! I love that idea, though, I can't wait to read it! One of my favorite of the shorter, flash-back stories was Eko and Yemi.

[tellshannon815.livejournal.com]

Strange thing is, the idea does make a weird kind of sense when you take into account the fact that Yemi's body disappeared, Charlotte Malkin saying they'd be together soon, Eko's incoherent mumbling about Yemi at the start of The Cost of Living...maybe that's really what happened to Eko?

[failoh.livejournal.com]

Sorry I never got back to you, sweetie!

*ugh, i swear i'm the silliest person i know*

And yes, I do love that idea. Have you posted it yet? If so, please give me a link! And I wish that was what happened to Eko, he was such a great character.

so sorry about this!

[tellshannon815.livejournal.com]

That's okay, I actually only just got back from holiday and haven't been on here anyway!
No it's not ready for posting yet, but when it is I promise you'll be the first to know!

[tellshannon815.livejournal.com]

In fact, is it okay if I add you? Then you can see that fic (and others) straight away!

[failoh.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you added me! I added you back!

I can't wait to read some of them; and I just got home from vacation as well. So sorry for the delay!