Nothing's Gonna Change

[failoh.livejournal.com]

Title: Nothing's Gonna Change
Author: Failoh (Becky)
Rating: PG
Prompt: Vertigo: 1. Here I was born, and there I died. It was only a moment for you; you took no notice.
Summary: Growth on the island occurs in an instant. (Sun/ Jin)
Notes: Ordinary disclaimer; title taken from the Beatles' song "Across the Universe". As always, read and comment, please!

Here I was born…

 

I was standing on the beach when he left. I was free, so I thought. He was gone; had left. I was a woman on my own now. I had what I had fought for. I had my freedom.

 

I only enjoyed it for a bit.

 

Then came the bottle. The bottle and with it, my freedom. I had enjoyed it, for a bit. But then came the bottle…and the first death of my husband.

 

I died then.

 

Only to be resurrected in his arms, with his kisses and touches. It was a moment of beauty, on the beach, placing myself in his arms. Life is full of moments, so few of them beautiful. I treasure that moment now…I didn’t then. I was crying so hard I was laughing and he was kissing me.

 

It was the reunion we did not have at the airport.

 

                        …and there I died.

 

In the helicopter. Surrounded by supposed friends. I saw him coming. Saw him running. Saw the look of horror on his face. Oh God, he thought I left him. He thought I feared more for my own life than his. Oh God. His child, when we pulled away, kicked in my stomach. To early, like he or she knew. Like it knew I was abandoning him.

 

He once said to me; I will get you off this island. Surely he would have know it would be at great cost.

 

But at this great?

 

I screamed. I cried. I cursed. I kicked. I shouted. I saw them all, staring at me. Afraid of me. Thinking I had gone mad.

 

No, of course I wasn’t mad.

My husband…the father of my child…had just died before my eyes.

 

But I wasn’t mad.

 

                        It was only a moment for you; you took no notice.

 

They call me a bitch behind my back. It’s insulting, but I don’t care. I’ve become one, and it’s enough. Being cruel, being rude, provides a barrier. No one asks about my husband or my child anymore. They discuss me behind my back and I walk , like a knife- solid, thick, dangerous, away. To think that once I was ready to be just a wife and mother, a stay-at-home woman, learning to bake. Now I learn double-dealing and scheming, the world of business. It’s my new home, my new protection.

 

But it’s worth it. This change; this new me.

 

It’s worth it.

 

One day I will find him. I will find him in America, protected by his self-importance and his lies. Telling himself that he is the true leader, that all his actions were just. And I will find a way to kill him.

 

                        Here I was born..

 

Every night, I dream I’m kissing you. I dream I’m holding you.

 

I don’t wake up crying anymore.

 

I’ve found a new emotion to replace the sadness, the fear.

 

I still miss you but… I hope to see you soon.

 

If you came to visit me…like Hurley or Jack gets their visits…I wouldn’t mind. I would show you Ji Yeon.

 

We could be a family. And I would be your wife again. And you would be my husband. We could have our child together…

 

~             ~               ~      

 

These are the dreams Sun wakes up crying from.

Comments

[failoh.livejournal.com]

Sorry I never got back to you, sweetie!

*ugh, i swear i'm the silliest person i know*

And yes, I do love that idea. Have you posted it yet? If so, please give me a link! And I wish that was what happened to Eko, he was such a great character.

so sorry about this!

[tellshannon815.livejournal.com]

That's okay, I actually only just got back from holiday and haven't been on here anyway!
No it's not ready for posting yet, but when it is I promise you'll be the first to know!

[tellshannon815.livejournal.com]

In fact, is it okay if I add you? Then you can see that fic (and others) straight away!

[failoh.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you added me! I added you back!

I can't wait to read some of them; and I just got home from vacation as well. So sorry for the delay!