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ashlesha17
Title: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Pairing: Claire/Sawyer
Rating: PG romantic fluff with a little swearing
Spoilers: through The Long Con, AU set directly after
Summary: Sawyer doesn't know why it's different with Claire
A/N: written for words_fly up Shakespearian Quote Challenge
x-posted to lost_fanfic & conmama
Quote: #36 Love sought is good, but giv'n unsought is better - Twelf Night
Claire was having a bad day. It was miserably hot, Aaron wouldn’t stop crying, after kicking Charlie out and Locke’s mysterious disappearance to the hatch she had to watch Aaron every second and get everything done on her own. She wasn’t sorry she had sent Charlie packing, but God it was bloody difficult to get food, water, or anything done without any consistent help. She hadn’t realized how much she had taken Charlie’s eagerness to help for granted, but now he was out of the picture and the camp was in an uproar after Sawyer’s coup and it seemed something else was in the air.
Everyone was self involved, arguing and worrying about themselves, Jack was trying to figure a way to get the guns back and when he wasn’t he was spending a lot of time in the hatch. Kate and the others were concentrating on making Sawyer feel like shit and relent. Sawyer, for his part, just sat back reading seeming to bask in their contempt.
For the first time since Aaron’s birth Claire felt the full brunt of being a single parent, or to rephrase that the full brunt of being a single parent stranded on a fucked up island full of monsters, strangers that hunted and killed them, and some mad French woman who popped up on occasion to knock her out and take Aaron; all with no rescue in sight. She smiled a little humorlessly to herself at her inner diatribe.
Charlie chose just that moment to pop by, his usual nervous fidgety self "Hey Claire. How are you and the wee one doing? His voice inanely cheerful and his eyes pleading for her forgiveness? Her friendship? Claire’s anger and disappointment in him bubbled to the surface "Do I look alright to you Charlie? I’m tired, dirty, and Aaron won’t quite!" she looked at him, after his lying to her about the heroin what could he possibly expect a welcome with open arms? "What are you doing here? I thought I told you to stay away from us!"
Charlie looked crushed for a moment, then tried again "I came by because I noticed that Locke doesn’t seem to be around does he? You need help, I know you don’t want me sleeping here Claire, but I can get you food and water. I’ll be right back." Rushing off before she could reply. Leaving her fuming, something that didn’t go unnoticed.
She’ll see that she needs me now Charlie thought happily as he rushed off. Claire will want me back, we were like a family, we were a family, and everything is going to be fine. Locke’s been hiding away and licking his wounds ever since Sawyer humiliated him over the guns. That bastard’s dangerous, but his plan had come off brilliantly. Everyone was so busy hating Sawyer that Claire was floundering; it was the perfect opportunity for Charlie to show her how much he loved her. That he could take care of her and Aaron. And that they needed him.
Soon enough, Claire saw Charlie rushing back arms full. "Here you go, we’ve got some fish, mango, and I brought enough bottles of water so that you can sponge down Aaron and…ah yourself, you know, to feel more comfortable."
Claire almost told him to get lost, but she was hungry. "Thanks Charlie that was very thoughtful of you." She answered carefully. She stooped down grabbing a blanket, shaking it out "let’s put it on here." Charlie dumped everything down and sat down to join her. God this was going to be difficult, "Charlie, thank you, but I think it would be best if you went. I need to feed and clean up Aaron and if he quiets, I can eat and finally get some sleep."
"I can clean him up, I’ve done it plenty of times before…"
Claire cut him off "No Charlie, thank you for all of this, but I still don’t want you here okay? I’m sorry." Claire wasn’t by nature unkind, but this was for Aaron. Charlie had lied, he had to go. She stuck to it, part of her weary and angry that Charlie was trying to get back in her good graces while she was having a difficult time of it, it felt like blackmail to her.
"Uh right, of course Claire, I was just thinking of you and the baby." It came out more bitter than he wanted. Getting to his feet, he shuffled around not meeting Claire’s eyes "I just miss you is all. I thought, well I thought you knew how I felt about you." Looking at her with a hang dog expression, trying to make her feel guilty. He had used that look more often than he liked to admit; when he needed money, a place to stay, or a fix.
"You can’t just buy back my trust Charlie, I’ve been hurt, let down too many times before this. And now I have Aaron’s wellbeing to think of too. Please, I want you to leave."
Without another word, Charlie turned and stomped off. How could she be so ungrateful, she owes me so much, she owes it to me to forgive me and give me another chance? I’ve always done everything for her, she knows I love her even if I haven’t said it yet. Dammit!
A pair of eyes observed, the short Brits snit fit and looked back to see the mingled regret and relief on Claire’s face. Damn that kid had been crying all day, his nerves were getting pretty fried from the sound on top of all his other worries. His inertia gave none of his thoughts away; people never guessed how closely he watched them. All for the best.
He had watched Claire since the first day. Tiny, pretty, and hugely pregnant. Having no experience with pregnant women, he avoided her, although like all the others he had worried about her disappearance and secretly had gone off everyday to look for her. After Aaron’s birth, they had interacted more. For a reason known only to a God he didn’t believe in, the kid liked his voice. At first it was a pain in the ass, mostly because it was Charlie that brought him by, invading Sawyer’s space and solitude. As time went on, he saw that Claire was grateful to get some sleep, so was everyone else for that matter, and occasionally he started to go to Claire’s tent to read using the excuse that it was easier since his crib was right there. Soon Claire came to trust him enough to leave him alone with Aaron.
The truth of why he went was Claire. Being a new mother separated her in a way from the drama of the group and his part in it. Oh he enjoyed the games, the battle of wills with the others; the Doc, Freckles, Captain Falafel, and all the others. His past had branded his psyche so deeply to survive, to have the advantage, that he still found time to search and pillage at every opportunity. It was part and parcel of who he was. He was a con man. He sometimes loathed himself for the things he had done, but also had a secret pride in his ability to adapt and manipulate others.
But none of that entered into his dealings with Claire. It confused him. He came and read to her kid for hours so that she could get away for a little private time without complaint. Hell she had never had to ask, once Charlie did he just showed up. At first she had been a little wary, he was the bad boy of the group, but she soon became comfortable with his presence. She was friendly and unguarded with him like no one else on the island. Not that she flirted with him, she was just genuine, no games.
Now that she didn’t look like she had swallowed a beach ball he saw how angelically beautiful she was. He should be trying to get in her pants, but he realized at some point he wasn’t. She talked to him, when she smiled it was real, warm and when she was down she didn’t hide it. And she was a hoot, her accent making her worst rants adorable.
He remembered how she had said good-bye to him when the raft left. In her eyes he saw real fear for his well being, she had promised to say a prayer for their safety every night, until their return. For some reason she had told him, not Jin not Michael. That evening as he read all the messages in the bottle, he recognized a piece of paper that had to have been hers. He recognized the paper as coming from her diary. He just couldn’t read it, it felt like a violation, and he couldn’t bear to see who it was meant for.
It finally hit him then. He was in love with her. How could he have never have known it? Because Sawyer she’s way too good for you and you know it. You fuck with Freckles and Sticks cause they’re on your level, it wouldn’t mean a thing, but Claire? Sooner or later you’d let her down and that might just kill your sorry ass.
He stuffed the messages back in the bottle, his heart aching. He stared out into the endless ocean, 'I love you Claire.' He felt a strange relief that she would never know, never have the chance to turn him away. He could carry his love for her with him forever.
Then all hell broke loose; the rudder, the boat, the bullet, meeting the Tailies, and wasn’t Rambina just a sweetheart.
He was more than half dead when Eko carried him to the hatch and in his fevered delirium he had dreamed of the only other woman who he had ever loved, Cassidy. He had saved her life, but he had let her down in every other way imaginable. It would always haunt him. It was a shame he could never redeem himself from. It was all the proof he'd ever need to know that Claire was too good for him.
Later he got better and out of that damn hatch. Doc and Rambina wanted to go to war against the Others and he just knew in his bones that Locke was up to something. A fucking button to stop what, nuclear bombs or something EVIL for Christ’s sake? It was going to get ugly. After Eko exposed the heroin that Charlie had in the Mary statue and Locke had taken it upon himself to beat him down, Sawyer saw his move.
True it gave him power and the satisfaction of annoying Jack, but in the back of his mind he was relieved. No one was going to rush out and start Armageddon. After being shot by Zeke and then being told in no uncertain terms by the same man 'don’t cross this line'. Sawyer saw it as plain common sense, for now. If the situation changed, well the guns where available.
After watching that first fight between the two, he added to that list that maybe it was better for the struggling junkie to stay away from Claire and the baby. When he and Charlie had come to their understanding, he hadn’t stopped to consider Claire’s welfare. She really did need help at least for now.
Claire woke up the next day turning to check on Aaron. Still sleeping, good. Then she noticed a bundle by the crib. Had Charlie been there? Annoyed, but curious she opened it, no real suprises; some boar, bananas, papaya, a clean towel, and three large bottles of water. The water was still cool, she drank down half a bottle it was so refreshing.
Soon Aaron was up, fed, and predictably started to cry. Damn, she had been hoping to go to the caves and bathe. She looked around cautiously hoping to not see Charlie hovering.
"Hey there Mamacita, little one arguing with you this early in the day?" Sawyer drawled from the outside of her tent.
"Uh yeah, he’s started early." Claire stopped short for a moment. Sawyer could see the events of the last few days run through her mind. Should she be talking to him?
"Well I may be the town pariah, but I don’t think Aaron’s caught on yet. I thought you might like me to read to him, quiet him down? Sawyer waited, then casually said the most difficult words he’d said in a long time. "If you don’t it’s okay."
Claire looked at Sawyer, bouncing Aaron lightly, and considered what he had just said. Sawyer had always been good to her, never asked anything of her, and he waived away any attempts of thanks with remarks like "I’ve got to be of some use around here sweetheart, just don’t tell anyone okay" said with an earnest look that made her laugh.
Claire realized that Sawyer, was just Sawyer as always and no matter what anyone said he was no danger to her. "Yeah come on in Sawyer. If you could read to him for a little while, while I go and clean up I’d love it." She turned and gathered up the mystery bundle and some clean cloths "Are you hungry? I think Charlie left the food, but there’s plenty for two.
"Nah, I already ate. Hey do you mind if I take Aaron to my place? Might save me from getting lynched if people see Aaron still likes me."
Claire laughed, how Sawyer. "Yeah, that’s fine I’ll stop by later."
As she brushed by him he called "Don’t hurry Shorty, you need a little down time and my dance card is open, okay?"
"Okay" Claire laughed over her shoulder, almost skipping to the caves. As she made her way Claire felt happy for the first time in days, she didn’t feel drained by unwanted demands, but rather uplifted by simply generosity. Charlie ran around trying to prove to her he loved her and Sawyer…? Why was Sawyer so good to her?
She wasn’t blind. She’d seen his actions just like everyone else and though he was insulting, opportunistic, and often violent he seemed to hurt himself far more than he hurt the group. She couldn’t admit it openly, but she was glad that he had hidden the guns. Going to war against the Others, it made her shudder? Though her mind didn’t remember what had happened in those two weeks she believed that it was absolute suicide to even consider fighting the Others.
She slowed for a moment remembering an old saying her father liked ‘Actions speak louder than words.’ What did Sawyer’s actions toward her mean? Coming to a complete stop she thought ‘Does Sawyer care about me?’ He’s never made a move ever and that’s not like him, is it?
She’d noticed his flirtations with all the other women on the island, particularly Kate and Shannon. She wasn’t immune to his good looks or his charm, but he’d never used them on her. Claire had never stopped to think about it, assuming he just wasn’t interested in a woman with a newborn baby. She just didn’t know, but now she wanted to find out. Had she missed it? Had be staid away because of Charlie? That thought really irritated her.
Sawyer watched her until she was out of sight and went back to his own digs with Aaron.
He had just settled down to read when Charlie stalked in "What are you doing with Aaron?" Sawyer nonchalantly replied. "I’m reading to him like I always do, hell you sighed me up for this duty."
"But after what you did Claire trustes you?" Charlie asked confused and still belligerent.
"Look the woman’s tired, that puts her in a bad mood right? Now if Claire trusts me to read to Aaron, it takes some heat off my back." Sawyer looked at Charlie with a knowing expression. "Taking the heat for the guns? That’s something you don’t have to deal with and I bet you want it to stay that way. Look I need to diffuse the situation. Reading to Aaron, something going back to normal is going to help me and by extention you out."
"So you’ll be hanging out with Claire?" asked Charlie a strange look on his face.
"Some, just like before I guess."
"Hey, man you can put in a good word for me! Brilliant!" Charlie enthused.
"Hold on now, all in good time, people shouldn’t even see us together." Sawyer looking pointedly at the other man "much less hear me singing your phrases, but I’ll keep my ears open, okay?"
"Yeah, your right I can’t have Claire finding out I had anything to do about the guns, she’d never forgive me. Its just I wish she could see that I love her, that we should be together you know?"
Sawyer hit the limits of his patience, "Yeah, well women are strange and you know the old saying if wishes were horses…You didn’t by chance leave a bundle of food in her tent last night did you?" He'd left the stuff himself.
"No of course not! I know I bet it was Locke, the sick bastard! I’m going…" Charlie raged.
"Your not going to do a'thing, for know, it will just make you look even more paranoid to the others and remember things need to stay quite." Sawyer stared at him hard.
Charlie sighed "Okay, I’ll take it easy, but I’m going to keep an eye on him. I should go. Oh and remember keep your ears open okay? Thanks mate."
"I’ll do that." Sawyer said to Charlie’s retreating back. You bet, top priority.
Awhile later a damp, but clean Claire poked her head in his tent. "That was fantastic! I was beginning to forget what water felt like. Has Aaron been a good boy?"
"You bet, he now knows the wonders of early economic theory. He loves it. The kids smart." Sawyer told her very seriously.
Claire giggled "Reading material that scarce? Oh, no hatch privileges this week for you huh?"
"Smart girl! The Doc, Mr. Clean, and Mustafa are just waiting for a reason to whup my hide and so for the sake of my dignity I’ll wait until someone else does a big boo-boo." Sawyer sat up cradling a sleeping Aaron carefully. "Here you go Mamacita."
"Sawyer let’s go for a walk on the beach, I’m still drying off and there’s a breeze." Sawyer looked at her strangely "Remember it’s good for your PR?"
"Okay if you say so." He hesitated and then took her outstretched hand expecting her to drop it when he got to his feet, she didn’t. She didn’t let go when they stepped out of his tent or when they walked through camp. Claire just chatted away like it was the most natural thing in the world to be holding Sawyer’s hand while he cradled her baby to his chest.
The bizarre sight stopped most people in their tracks. Sawyer even felt a moment of sheer panic, but they soon left the camp behind. The sun was hanging low in the sky and the breeze did feel good. Once out of site and earshot of the others the two talked with their usual ease, full of wisecracks and laughter.
They stopped and sat on a smooth rock, looking out at the setting sun. They sat quietly, until Aaron started to fuss.
"Oh my boy’s hungry aren’t you?" Claire reached out smiling to take him from Sawyer. As she unbuttoned the top button from her shirt Sawyer blushed.
"We can head back."
"Nah, this shirts roomy just give me a second and I’ll be decent." Claire realized that she had never fed Aaron in front of Sawyer, whenever it was time, he just excused himself and left her tent.
Sawyer kept his head turned, blushing, God dammit! "All clear!" Claire announced, so he willed himself to be casual and turn back around. Thank God the button up man’s shirt really did cover her up. He couldn’t help but notice that the setting sun made her hair deeply golden, she was so angelic.
"So what’s your next move?"
"Excuse me!" Sawyer blurted out before he could stop himself, shocked and not at all sure what Claire meant.
Claire looked at him for a long moment and realized, 'yes he does love me'! Why has he never said anything? Then it hit her, it was because he loved her, that he wouldn’t risk it. She had an empathetic nature and she could tell love hadn’t had a big part in Sawyer’s life. So instead he had chosen to simply be there for her, to quietly give her the love she needed, without asking for anything. When had anyone ever done that for her? Certainly not Charlie or for that matter Thomas Aaron’s father. Her heart filled with a strange joy as she looked at him.
"I mean the guns silly, or do you have some other devious play afoot I should know about?" Claire recovering herself shot back at him.
Sawyer knew something had changed, but he couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge it. "Well I can’t go and be telling you my all my secrets? Now Aaron, that’s another matter, when he ain’t crying, he knows how to keep a secret."
Claire laughed and got up, holding out the hand not wrapped around Aaron "Come on let’s head back. Maybe you could read to him just a little more?"
Sawyer took it and felt Claire give it a small squeeze. ‘Actions speak louder than words’ she again heard her father voice. Well Sawyer, I hope my actions will tell you, I love you too.
Hope didn’t figure much in Sawyer’s world, and had almost been crushed out of Claire’s, yet here they were walking hand in hand, back to camp. Neither was ready to tell the other what they now understood, but their hands tightened when they looked at one another.
"Here Claire let me carry Aaron." Sawyer reached for him, carefully cradling him to his chest.
Claire’s eyes burned brightly with unshed tears "Sawyer?"
"Yeah?"
"You’ve never called me by my real name before."
"Well I’m just stupid ain’t I?" as he reached up to brush one away.
Everyone was self involved, arguing and worrying about themselves, Jack was trying to figure a way to get the guns back and when he wasn’t he was spending a lot of time in the hatch. Kate and the others were concentrating on making Sawyer feel like shit and relent. Sawyer, for his part, just sat back reading seeming to bask in their contempt.
For the first time since Aaron’s birth Claire felt the full brunt of being a single parent, or to rephrase that the full brunt of being a single parent stranded on a fucked up island full of monsters, strangers that hunted and killed them, and some mad French woman who popped up on occasion to knock her out and take Aaron; all with no rescue in sight. She smiled a little humorlessly to herself at her inner diatribe.
Charlie chose just that moment to pop by, his usual nervous fidgety self "Hey Claire. How are you and the wee one doing? His voice inanely cheerful and his eyes pleading for her forgiveness? Her friendship? Claire’s anger and disappointment in him bubbled to the surface "Do I look alright to you Charlie? I’m tired, dirty, and Aaron won’t quite!" she looked at him, after his lying to her about the heroin what could he possibly expect a welcome with open arms? "What are you doing here? I thought I told you to stay away from us!"
Charlie looked crushed for a moment, then tried again "I came by because I noticed that Locke doesn’t seem to be around does he? You need help, I know you don’t want me sleeping here Claire, but I can get you food and water. I’ll be right back." Rushing off before she could reply. Leaving her fuming, something that didn’t go unnoticed.
She’ll see that she needs me now Charlie thought happily as he rushed off. Claire will want me back, we were like a family, we were a family, and everything is going to be fine. Locke’s been hiding away and licking his wounds ever since Sawyer humiliated him over the guns. That bastard’s dangerous, but his plan had come off brilliantly. Everyone was so busy hating Sawyer that Claire was floundering; it was the perfect opportunity for Charlie to show her how much he loved her. That he could take care of her and Aaron. And that they needed him.
Soon enough, Claire saw Charlie rushing back arms full. "Here you go, we’ve got some fish, mango, and I brought enough bottles of water so that you can sponge down Aaron and…ah yourself, you know, to feel more comfortable."
Claire almost told him to get lost, but she was hungry. "Thanks Charlie that was very thoughtful of you." She answered carefully. She stooped down grabbing a blanket, shaking it out "let’s put it on here." Charlie dumped everything down and sat down to join her. God this was going to be difficult, "Charlie, thank you, but I think it would be best if you went. I need to feed and clean up Aaron and if he quiets, I can eat and finally get some sleep."
"I can clean him up, I’ve done it plenty of times before…"
Claire cut him off "No Charlie, thank you for all of this, but I still don’t want you here okay? I’m sorry." Claire wasn’t by nature unkind, but this was for Aaron. Charlie had lied, he had to go. She stuck to it, part of her weary and angry that Charlie was trying to get back in her good graces while she was having a difficult time of it, it felt like blackmail to her.
"Uh right, of course Claire, I was just thinking of you and the baby." It came out more bitter than he wanted. Getting to his feet, he shuffled around not meeting Claire’s eyes "I just miss you is all. I thought, well I thought you knew how I felt about you." Looking at her with a hang dog expression, trying to make her feel guilty. He had used that look more often than he liked to admit; when he needed money, a place to stay, or a fix.
"You can’t just buy back my trust Charlie, I’ve been hurt, let down too many times before this. And now I have Aaron’s wellbeing to think of too. Please, I want you to leave."
Without another word, Charlie turned and stomped off. How could she be so ungrateful, she owes me so much, she owes it to me to forgive me and give me another chance? I’ve always done everything for her, she knows I love her even if I haven’t said it yet. Dammit!
A pair of eyes observed, the short Brits snit fit and looked back to see the mingled regret and relief on Claire’s face. Damn that kid had been crying all day, his nerves were getting pretty fried from the sound on top of all his other worries. His inertia gave none of his thoughts away; people never guessed how closely he watched them. All for the best.
He had watched Claire since the first day. Tiny, pretty, and hugely pregnant. Having no experience with pregnant women, he avoided her, although like all the others he had worried about her disappearance and secretly had gone off everyday to look for her. After Aaron’s birth, they had interacted more. For a reason known only to a God he didn’t believe in, the kid liked his voice. At first it was a pain in the ass, mostly because it was Charlie that brought him by, invading Sawyer’s space and solitude. As time went on, he saw that Claire was grateful to get some sleep, so was everyone else for that matter, and occasionally he started to go to Claire’s tent to read using the excuse that it was easier since his crib was right there. Soon Claire came to trust him enough to leave him alone with Aaron.
The truth of why he went was Claire. Being a new mother separated her in a way from the drama of the group and his part in it. Oh he enjoyed the games, the battle of wills with the others; the Doc, Freckles, Captain Falafel, and all the others. His past had branded his psyche so deeply to survive, to have the advantage, that he still found time to search and pillage at every opportunity. It was part and parcel of who he was. He was a con man. He sometimes loathed himself for the things he had done, but also had a secret pride in his ability to adapt and manipulate others.
But none of that entered into his dealings with Claire. It confused him. He came and read to her kid for hours so that she could get away for a little private time without complaint. Hell she had never had to ask, once Charlie did he just showed up. At first she had been a little wary, he was the bad boy of the group, but she soon became comfortable with his presence. She was friendly and unguarded with him like no one else on the island. Not that she flirted with him, she was just genuine, no games.
Now that she didn’t look like she had swallowed a beach ball he saw how angelically beautiful she was. He should be trying to get in her pants, but he realized at some point he wasn’t. She talked to him, when she smiled it was real, warm and when she was down she didn’t hide it. And she was a hoot, her accent making her worst rants adorable.
He remembered how she had said good-bye to him when the raft left. In her eyes he saw real fear for his well being, she had promised to say a prayer for their safety every night, until their return. For some reason she had told him, not Jin not Michael. That evening as he read all the messages in the bottle, he recognized a piece of paper that had to have been hers. He recognized the paper as coming from her diary. He just couldn’t read it, it felt like a violation, and he couldn’t bear to see who it was meant for.
It finally hit him then. He was in love with her. How could he have never have known it? Because Sawyer she’s way too good for you and you know it. You fuck with Freckles and Sticks cause they’re on your level, it wouldn’t mean a thing, but Claire? Sooner or later you’d let her down and that might just kill your sorry ass.
He stuffed the messages back in the bottle, his heart aching. He stared out into the endless ocean, 'I love you Claire.' He felt a strange relief that she would never know, never have the chance to turn him away. He could carry his love for her with him forever.
Then all hell broke loose; the rudder, the boat, the bullet, meeting the Tailies, and wasn’t Rambina just a sweetheart.
He was more than half dead when Eko carried him to the hatch and in his fevered delirium he had dreamed of the only other woman who he had ever loved, Cassidy. He had saved her life, but he had let her down in every other way imaginable. It would always haunt him. It was a shame he could never redeem himself from. It was all the proof he'd ever need to know that Claire was too good for him.
Later he got better and out of that damn hatch. Doc and Rambina wanted to go to war against the Others and he just knew in his bones that Locke was up to something. A fucking button to stop what, nuclear bombs or something EVIL for Christ’s sake? It was going to get ugly. After Eko exposed the heroin that Charlie had in the Mary statue and Locke had taken it upon himself to beat him down, Sawyer saw his move.
True it gave him power and the satisfaction of annoying Jack, but in the back of his mind he was relieved. No one was going to rush out and start Armageddon. After being shot by Zeke and then being told in no uncertain terms by the same man 'don’t cross this line'. Sawyer saw it as plain common sense, for now. If the situation changed, well the guns where available.
After watching that first fight between the two, he added to that list that maybe it was better for the struggling junkie to stay away from Claire and the baby. When he and Charlie had come to their understanding, he hadn’t stopped to consider Claire’s welfare. She really did need help at least for now.
Claire woke up the next day turning to check on Aaron. Still sleeping, good. Then she noticed a bundle by the crib. Had Charlie been there? Annoyed, but curious she opened it, no real suprises; some boar, bananas, papaya, a clean towel, and three large bottles of water. The water was still cool, she drank down half a bottle it was so refreshing.
Soon Aaron was up, fed, and predictably started to cry. Damn, she had been hoping to go to the caves and bathe. She looked around cautiously hoping to not see Charlie hovering.
"Hey there Mamacita, little one arguing with you this early in the day?" Sawyer drawled from the outside of her tent.
"Uh yeah, he’s started early." Claire stopped short for a moment. Sawyer could see the events of the last few days run through her mind. Should she be talking to him?
"Well I may be the town pariah, but I don’t think Aaron’s caught on yet. I thought you might like me to read to him, quiet him down? Sawyer waited, then casually said the most difficult words he’d said in a long time. "If you don’t it’s okay."
Claire looked at Sawyer, bouncing Aaron lightly, and considered what he had just said. Sawyer had always been good to her, never asked anything of her, and he waived away any attempts of thanks with remarks like "I’ve got to be of some use around here sweetheart, just don’t tell anyone okay" said with an earnest look that made her laugh.
Claire realized that Sawyer, was just Sawyer as always and no matter what anyone said he was no danger to her. "Yeah come on in Sawyer. If you could read to him for a little while, while I go and clean up I’d love it." She turned and gathered up the mystery bundle and some clean cloths "Are you hungry? I think Charlie left the food, but there’s plenty for two.
"Nah, I already ate. Hey do you mind if I take Aaron to my place? Might save me from getting lynched if people see Aaron still likes me."
Claire laughed, how Sawyer. "Yeah, that’s fine I’ll stop by later."
As she brushed by him he called "Don’t hurry Shorty, you need a little down time and my dance card is open, okay?"
"Okay" Claire laughed over her shoulder, almost skipping to the caves. As she made her way Claire felt happy for the first time in days, she didn’t feel drained by unwanted demands, but rather uplifted by simply generosity. Charlie ran around trying to prove to her he loved her and Sawyer…? Why was Sawyer so good to her?
She wasn’t blind. She’d seen his actions just like everyone else and though he was insulting, opportunistic, and often violent he seemed to hurt himself far more than he hurt the group. She couldn’t admit it openly, but she was glad that he had hidden the guns. Going to war against the Others, it made her shudder? Though her mind didn’t remember what had happened in those two weeks she believed that it was absolute suicide to even consider fighting the Others.
She slowed for a moment remembering an old saying her father liked ‘Actions speak louder than words.’ What did Sawyer’s actions toward her mean? Coming to a complete stop she thought ‘Does Sawyer care about me?’ He’s never made a move ever and that’s not like him, is it?
She’d noticed his flirtations with all the other women on the island, particularly Kate and Shannon. She wasn’t immune to his good looks or his charm, but he’d never used them on her. Claire had never stopped to think about it, assuming he just wasn’t interested in a woman with a newborn baby. She just didn’t know, but now she wanted to find out. Had she missed it? Had be staid away because of Charlie? That thought really irritated her.
Sawyer watched her until she was out of sight and went back to his own digs with Aaron.
He had just settled down to read when Charlie stalked in "What are you doing with Aaron?" Sawyer nonchalantly replied. "I’m reading to him like I always do, hell you sighed me up for this duty."
"But after what you did Claire trustes you?" Charlie asked confused and still belligerent.
"Look the woman’s tired, that puts her in a bad mood right? Now if Claire trusts me to read to Aaron, it takes some heat off my back." Sawyer looked at Charlie with a knowing expression. "Taking the heat for the guns? That’s something you don’t have to deal with and I bet you want it to stay that way. Look I need to diffuse the situation. Reading to Aaron, something going back to normal is going to help me and by extention you out."
"So you’ll be hanging out with Claire?" asked Charlie a strange look on his face.
"Some, just like before I guess."
"Hey, man you can put in a good word for me! Brilliant!" Charlie enthused.
"Hold on now, all in good time, people shouldn’t even see us together." Sawyer looking pointedly at the other man "much less hear me singing your phrases, but I’ll keep my ears open, okay?"
"Yeah, your right I can’t have Claire finding out I had anything to do about the guns, she’d never forgive me. Its just I wish she could see that I love her, that we should be together you know?"
Sawyer hit the limits of his patience, "Yeah, well women are strange and you know the old saying if wishes were horses…You didn’t by chance leave a bundle of food in her tent last night did you?" He'd left the stuff himself.
"No of course not! I know I bet it was Locke, the sick bastard! I’m going…" Charlie raged.
"Your not going to do a'thing, for know, it will just make you look even more paranoid to the others and remember things need to stay quite." Sawyer stared at him hard.
Charlie sighed "Okay, I’ll take it easy, but I’m going to keep an eye on him. I should go. Oh and remember keep your ears open okay? Thanks mate."
"I’ll do that." Sawyer said to Charlie’s retreating back. You bet, top priority.
Awhile later a damp, but clean Claire poked her head in his tent. "That was fantastic! I was beginning to forget what water felt like. Has Aaron been a good boy?"
"You bet, he now knows the wonders of early economic theory. He loves it. The kids smart." Sawyer told her very seriously.
Claire giggled "Reading material that scarce? Oh, no hatch privileges this week for you huh?"
"Smart girl! The Doc, Mr. Clean, and Mustafa are just waiting for a reason to whup my hide and so for the sake of my dignity I’ll wait until someone else does a big boo-boo." Sawyer sat up cradling a sleeping Aaron carefully. "Here you go Mamacita."
"Sawyer let’s go for a walk on the beach, I’m still drying off and there’s a breeze." Sawyer looked at her strangely "Remember it’s good for your PR?"
"Okay if you say so." He hesitated and then took her outstretched hand expecting her to drop it when he got to his feet, she didn’t. She didn’t let go when they stepped out of his tent or when they walked through camp. Claire just chatted away like it was the most natural thing in the world to be holding Sawyer’s hand while he cradled her baby to his chest.
The bizarre sight stopped most people in their tracks. Sawyer even felt a moment of sheer panic, but they soon left the camp behind. The sun was hanging low in the sky and the breeze did feel good. Once out of site and earshot of the others the two talked with their usual ease, full of wisecracks and laughter.
They stopped and sat on a smooth rock, looking out at the setting sun. They sat quietly, until Aaron started to fuss.
"Oh my boy’s hungry aren’t you?" Claire reached out smiling to take him from Sawyer. As she unbuttoned the top button from her shirt Sawyer blushed.
"We can head back."
"Nah, this shirts roomy just give me a second and I’ll be decent." Claire realized that she had never fed Aaron in front of Sawyer, whenever it was time, he just excused himself and left her tent.
Sawyer kept his head turned, blushing, God dammit! "All clear!" Claire announced, so he willed himself to be casual and turn back around. Thank God the button up man’s shirt really did cover her up. He couldn’t help but notice that the setting sun made her hair deeply golden, she was so angelic.
"So what’s your next move?"
"Excuse me!" Sawyer blurted out before he could stop himself, shocked and not at all sure what Claire meant.
Claire looked at him for a long moment and realized, 'yes he does love me'! Why has he never said anything? Then it hit her, it was because he loved her, that he wouldn’t risk it. She had an empathetic nature and she could tell love hadn’t had a big part in Sawyer’s life. So instead he had chosen to simply be there for her, to quietly give her the love she needed, without asking for anything. When had anyone ever done that for her? Certainly not Charlie or for that matter Thomas Aaron’s father. Her heart filled with a strange joy as she looked at him.
"I mean the guns silly, or do you have some other devious play afoot I should know about?" Claire recovering herself shot back at him.
Sawyer knew something had changed, but he couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge it. "Well I can’t go and be telling you my all my secrets? Now Aaron, that’s another matter, when he ain’t crying, he knows how to keep a secret."
Claire laughed and got up, holding out the hand not wrapped around Aaron "Come on let’s head back. Maybe you could read to him just a little more?"
Sawyer took it and felt Claire give it a small squeeze. ‘Actions speak louder than words’ she again heard her father voice. Well Sawyer, I hope my actions will tell you, I love you too.
Hope didn’t figure much in Sawyer’s world, and had almost been crushed out of Claire’s, yet here they were walking hand in hand, back to camp. Neither was ready to tell the other what they now understood, but their hands tightened when they looked at one another.
"Here Claire let me carry Aaron." Sawyer reached for him, carefully cradling him to his chest.
Claire’s eyes burned brightly with unshed tears "Sawyer?"
"Yeah?"
"You’ve never called me by my real name before."
"Well I’m just stupid ain’t I?" as he reached up to brush one away.
